"To choose the illusion of order over connection with the ones I love. Order was your way of clinging to control. It was a rigid mask for your inability to accept mistakes."
Wow this really resonated with me. I have an issue with hyper-minimalist "soulless" corporate home interior, and I think this is the reason. Clutter is comfortable, lived-in, imperfect in its acceptance; too much order, too much cleanliness feels so perfect it feels superficial, judgmental, & unwelcome. Whenever I see a house like that I wonder what that person's "skeletons in the closet" are. Thanks for sharing this personal moment.
This resonated with me. The older I get the more I appreciate a heathy dose of disorder and imperfection. I have even extended those to my person – I show up without my partial (uncomfortable) denture that is supposed to cover the gap of the two front teeth. And I wear the same clothes 2 days in a row if I feel like it. My message with this is: I am not perfect, relax, you don't have to be perfect either. We are humans, that's more important.
Dear Soulinn, let me tell you, that I am so proud of you. You observed within you the effects of a part of “ancestral trauma”, but nevertheless you persevered and found YOUR home. The way to yourself. YOU took over the right to define what is true for you. And believe it or not, she helped you – by contrast – to realize what needs to be YOUR truth. You even saw through the walls of her prison and that they were hers not yours. This is liberation, this is victory. There never was a way you could ever have satisfied her needs, however obedient you had been, because it was HER job to free herself. Congrats to you!
This really moved me - because I see this so often in my client work and in the weekly lives I host. Our relationship with clutter so often traces back to childhood: being shouted at to clean our room, threatened with punishment, or discovering that a treasured possession had been thrown away without permission.
Maybe the adults didn’t know any better (my mum was definitely the hyper-clean, OCD type). But there’s something powerful about recognising those experiences, and then choosing to break the cycle - by reclaiming your space with care, not fear.
Decluttering can be such a healing act. A way of tending to your home - and yourself - in an embodied, intentional way. To be honest, I do the same thing when I visit friends: a little gentle clearing here and there to help lighten the load, to help them to practice receiving, and letting go of shame.
Tidying doesn’t have to be performative. It can be soft. Nourishing. A way to create little pockets of peace in the middle of a busy life 💞
Hey, I really appreciate your perspective on this. :)
I just wanted to share that I’m definitely reclaiming my space with care. I haven’t always been this way, but over time, I’ve become a fairly tidy and minimalist person — I don’t function well in mess anymore. I really resonate with the saying “keep order, and order will keep you.”
So my mom’s comment about the laundry felt kind of ironic — like she zoomed in on this one small thing, completely overlooking the fact that the rest of our home is usually cozy and well-kept.
The laundry piles and scattered toys are actually a conscious decision my husband and I made. We have a 3.5-year-old and a 5-month-old at home, and since I cook and bake a lot, we prioritize keeping the kitchen clean and functional at all times. As for the rest, we clean up the toys and laundry periodically, because doing it constantly would take up a huge amount of time and energy — and honestly, the payoff isn’t really worth it. Anyone with kids knows it only takes a few minutes for a tidy room to turn into chaos again. :D
I’ve actually had to work on not letting the mess get under my skin — otherwise, I’d constantly be choosing cleaning over resting, recharging, spending time with my kids, playing with them, or making healthy food.
That said, I’m definitely looking forward to the time when the baby is a bit older and I can enjoy a tidier home again — in a balanced and healthy way, of course. :)
I love this so much - and I really admire the clarity and care you’re bringing to your space. That kind of awareness is so powerful. It’s not about having everything perfectly in place, but about making conscious choices that support you and your family in this season.
Life with little ones is wonderfully messy, and that mess doesn’t mean failure - it means you’re living, loving, and prioritising what matters most. Pinterest-perfect isn’t the goal; feeling supported in your home is. And knowing you can reset when needed - that’s a quiet kind of power. It’s a beautiful lesson to model for your kids, too. ✨
Thank you for sharing this - a grounded reminder that rest and spaciousness can exist within the beautiful chaos of life, not in spite of it.
That folded underwear held a lifetime of unsaid things, and you named them. Not with vengeance, but with vision. The kind of vision born from breaking — and choosing not to pass that brokenness on.
You wrote: “I wish you the freedom not to fold your underwear.”
That line? That’s the kind of love that comes from soul-forging.
The mother wound is so raw for so many of us. I felt your words as I was reading them and I resonated deeply with being a slave to appearances. To choose order over connection. It’s wise that you are able to see that this is her pain that she is carrying. And what a blessing that you are here to break the cycle :) very beautiful
Thank you so much for your kind words. :) The wound is still there, but it's healing bit by bit. I'm proud of every moment I’m able to be there for my children in a way I never experienced from my own mother.
I hope one day your mum is able to share her emotions with you, it must be heartbreaking to reach out and extend an open invitation to connect, only to have it refused. I was really touched by the part about wanting her to be your home - it sounds to me like you're doing everything in your power to make sure you provide your own children with a different emotional landscape and that's really powerful, and the most important thing going forward. I think way too too often, cycles are continued unthinkingly.
Oh, you're absolutely right! :) being aware of the dynamics in my original family made me very passionate about the way I want my children to experience the family life, what values I want them to have, what imprints on their souls I want to leave. And yes, without the awareness and willingness to change, the dynamics are bound to repeat themselves and cause harm again and again.
"To choose the illusion of order over connection with the ones I love. Order was your way of clinging to control. It was a rigid mask for your inability to accept mistakes."
Wow this really resonated with me. I have an issue with hyper-minimalist "soulless" corporate home interior, and I think this is the reason. Clutter is comfortable, lived-in, imperfect in its acceptance; too much order, too much cleanliness feels so perfect it feels superficial, judgmental, & unwelcome. Whenever I see a house like that I wonder what that person's "skeletons in the closet" are. Thanks for sharing this personal moment.
I'm glad it resonates. And I feel the same way about homes that are too perfect. :)
This resonated with me. The older I get the more I appreciate a heathy dose of disorder and imperfection. I have even extended those to my person – I show up without my partial (uncomfortable) denture that is supposed to cover the gap of the two front teeth. And I wear the same clothes 2 days in a row if I feel like it. My message with this is: I am not perfect, relax, you don't have to be perfect either. We are humans, that's more important.
Love this! :) thank you for sharing 😊
Dear Soulinn, let me tell you, that I am so proud of you. You observed within you the effects of a part of “ancestral trauma”, but nevertheless you persevered and found YOUR home. The way to yourself. YOU took over the right to define what is true for you. And believe it or not, she helped you – by contrast – to realize what needs to be YOUR truth. You even saw through the walls of her prison and that they were hers not yours. This is liberation, this is victory. There never was a way you could ever have satisfied her needs, however obedient you had been, because it was HER job to free herself. Congrats to you!
Your words mean a lot! Thank you for your cheering and quite encouragement :) I appreciate it ♥️
This really moved me - because I see this so often in my client work and in the weekly lives I host. Our relationship with clutter so often traces back to childhood: being shouted at to clean our room, threatened with punishment, or discovering that a treasured possession had been thrown away without permission.
Maybe the adults didn’t know any better (my mum was definitely the hyper-clean, OCD type). But there’s something powerful about recognising those experiences, and then choosing to break the cycle - by reclaiming your space with care, not fear.
Decluttering can be such a healing act. A way of tending to your home - and yourself - in an embodied, intentional way. To be honest, I do the same thing when I visit friends: a little gentle clearing here and there to help lighten the load, to help them to practice receiving, and letting go of shame.
Tidying doesn’t have to be performative. It can be soft. Nourishing. A way to create little pockets of peace in the middle of a busy life 💞
Hey, I really appreciate your perspective on this. :)
I just wanted to share that I’m definitely reclaiming my space with care. I haven’t always been this way, but over time, I’ve become a fairly tidy and minimalist person — I don’t function well in mess anymore. I really resonate with the saying “keep order, and order will keep you.”
So my mom’s comment about the laundry felt kind of ironic — like she zoomed in on this one small thing, completely overlooking the fact that the rest of our home is usually cozy and well-kept.
The laundry piles and scattered toys are actually a conscious decision my husband and I made. We have a 3.5-year-old and a 5-month-old at home, and since I cook and bake a lot, we prioritize keeping the kitchen clean and functional at all times. As for the rest, we clean up the toys and laundry periodically, because doing it constantly would take up a huge amount of time and energy — and honestly, the payoff isn’t really worth it. Anyone with kids knows it only takes a few minutes for a tidy room to turn into chaos again. :D
I’ve actually had to work on not letting the mess get under my skin — otherwise, I’d constantly be choosing cleaning over resting, recharging, spending time with my kids, playing with them, or making healthy food.
That said, I’m definitely looking forward to the time when the baby is a bit older and I can enjoy a tidier home again — in a balanced and healthy way, of course. :)
I love this so much - and I really admire the clarity and care you’re bringing to your space. That kind of awareness is so powerful. It’s not about having everything perfectly in place, but about making conscious choices that support you and your family in this season.
Life with little ones is wonderfully messy, and that mess doesn’t mean failure - it means you’re living, loving, and prioritising what matters most. Pinterest-perfect isn’t the goal; feeling supported in your home is. And knowing you can reset when needed - that’s a quiet kind of power. It’s a beautiful lesson to model for your kids, too. ✨
Thank you for sharing this - a grounded reminder that rest and spaciousness can exist within the beautiful chaos of life, not in spite of it.
I sincerely loved reading your story.
So honest, so touching,
so brave.
I would imagine the difficult relationship with your Mother taught you how to relate with more empathy toward your own children.
So, in her own dysfunctional way, she gave you a gift.
Thank you so much! 🙏 And yes, that is a nice shift of perspective :)
This moved through me like a quiet tidal wave...
That folded underwear held a lifetime of unsaid things, and you named them. Not with vengeance, but with vision. The kind of vision born from breaking — and choosing not to pass that brokenness on.
You wrote: “I wish you the freedom not to fold your underwear.”
That line? That’s the kind of love that comes from soul-forging.
I write to find that kind of truth, too.
And I see the woman who wrote this.
She is not lost.
She is home.
Indeed she is :) probably for the first time in her life
The mother wound is so raw for so many of us. I felt your words as I was reading them and I resonated deeply with being a slave to appearances. To choose order over connection. It’s wise that you are able to see that this is her pain that she is carrying. And what a blessing that you are here to break the cycle :) very beautiful
Thank you so much for your kind words. :) The wound is still there, but it's healing bit by bit. I'm proud of every moment I’m able to be there for my children in a way I never experienced from my own mother.
aaa so well written and insightful! I love it how clearly you see things ❤️
Thank you, your words always cheer me up! 🙏
Thank you, your words always cheer me up! 🙏
I hope one day your mum is able to share her emotions with you, it must be heartbreaking to reach out and extend an open invitation to connect, only to have it refused. I was really touched by the part about wanting her to be your home - it sounds to me like you're doing everything in your power to make sure you provide your own children with a different emotional landscape and that's really powerful, and the most important thing going forward. I think way too too often, cycles are continued unthinkingly.
Oh, you're absolutely right! :) being aware of the dynamics in my original family made me very passionate about the way I want my children to experience the family life, what values I want them to have, what imprints on their souls I want to leave. And yes, without the awareness and willingness to change, the dynamics are bound to repeat themselves and cause harm again and again.